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TRE Team

Hash cloud over Amsterdam

News from the Rashomon Weekly

Hash Cloud over Amsterdam
Tuesday 20 April.

Amsterdam Airport Schiphol, one of the busiest airports in the world, has suffered a major blow after what is considered a bizarre meteorological happening.

All planes have been grounded, with no incoming flights and tourists stuck in the Dutch capital from what is known as a Hash Cloud that appeared over the sky in recent days.

This particular hash cloud, a strain known as Icelandic Volcano, that blurs the pilots’ vision, has greatly impacted Amsterdam tourism and trade.

One young British tourist due to fly out today said he wasn’t put out by the plane delay at all and was quite enjoying the extra time in Amsterdam. Meanwhile an American expat says he vaguely remembers the great hash cloud of ’68 where the hardest hit regions were Amsterdam and British Columbia, Canada.

“The cloud was, like, created in Mexico,” said the man. “It blew across the world on warm trade winds known as the Pineapple Express. I missed my flights because the haze lasted for months. I have had a paranoia about flying, among other things, ever since… but it’s all copasetic, Dude.”

However, scientists say today’s cloud is much stronger and far more dangerous than ’68’s strain, especially to those flying planes or operating any type of heavy machinery, for that matter.

Agreeing with the scientists, French pilots held a press conference yesterday, warning against the hazards of getting high.

However air quality passed the Dutch airline company KLM’s safety standards, used to taking off and landing in such conditions and said the French are over reacting. A spokesperson for KLM issued this Press Release statement: “Everyone just needs to take a deep breath, and like, chillax.”

Interestingly the hash cloud is not just impacting the aviation and tourism industries. The residue from the hash cloud leaves an environmental impact too. The thick blanket laying over the land traps carbon and smoke, heating up the land and making the impact of the cloud even stronger – a phenomenon, similar to the Green House Effect, dubbed the Dutch Oven Effect.

Economically speaking, tulip growers suffer due to an inability to export their early blooming flowers and Heineken announced their sales too have dropped.

However, not all industries are bummed out. Local proprietors of Belgian chocolates are seeing a rise in business via the stranded tourists and residents alike. Piet van der Broek of Vlaamse Chocolades said “a, we have extended our trading hours into the evening as that is when the cloud is heaviest.”

Chipperies too are seeing an increase in their conicalled portions. Fritz’s Frites have introduced a new jumbo size called the ‘cone of silence’ – heavy on the mayo.

Meanwhile, local Amsterdam hotels are exploiting the scenario by charging five times their prices for a room as tourists remain stranded, some even bed-ridden, due to the cloud.

Acting Mayor Lodewijk Asscher, in possibly his most important press conference since becoming appointed, today asked his city’s residents to remain calm.

“Amsterdam is a city built against great odds,” said Asscher. “We’ve withstood flood, famine and war. We are a small but strong nation that will come out of this with a fresh perspective and a bank holiday commemorating the event, forever known as 4-20 Day.”

Latest news from Schiphol suggests tomorrow morning will see the first planes take off with a 6am red-eye service.

By Colin Delaney

Chapter 2

A late merry Christmas and New Year to all of you.

Sorry for the brief hiatus The Rashomon Effect has been off the radar for a couple of months. A series of events took up much of our time and wills and of course we needed the standard Christmas recovery time. But we’re back in the game and hoping to get that difficult second issue out to you soon. You can expect the usual mix of cross-genre writing, illustrations from 2 of Cambridge’s finest and an interview with spoken word artist Polar Bear. Devorah Hall is our cover artist for this issue, eyes right.

In fact it’s going so well we’ve started taking submissions for issue 3. As usual there’s no guidelines whatever you like and we’re always looking for cover artists. Email your submissions to submit@therashomoneffect.com.

Story 5674d

Story 5674d

Illustration by Ma Li

The cat stalked across the decking of a roof garden. The flowers were opening, reaching towards the milky morning sun. Where the decking met a lawn of fake grass the focus of the hunt stood looking towards the horizon. Drowsy flies flickered and fluttered in the dewy haze. The cat inched forward taking his time knowing the mouse had nowhere to hide.

The morning sun slowly heated the patio, the flies hovered lazily above the ground. The cat peered past a terracotta pot his front paw moving round it with great care. The mouse stared towards the rising sun, he could feel pressure on the belt around his waist, pulling him gently to and fro. The cat thought about the strike. He followed each movement in his head, a Zen master gently touching his front leg to the mat before the strike.

Without warning the mouse jerked forward. His belt pulling him some way across the mock-grass. The cat leapt in surprise. He gawped as the mouse moved further down the garden in fits and jumps. The flash it took the cat’s brain to process what was happening was enough for the mouse. Before the cat had even started down the garden the mouse was bouncing feet into the air and coming down in a slow graceful arc. The strings attached to his magnificent belt strained and pulled at him. The many thousands of flies that were attached to the other end of the strings shrugged away the sleep and took off into the cool morning air. How the mouse obtained his winged accomplices was a mystery to the cat. He managed one strangled hiss and a weak batting of the claw before the mouse was up and away. Into the clearing mist and out into a light blue sky.

The cat stared for a moment as his prey flew uneasily towards the horizon. He mused on the moral of the escape and began to lick his self. While the mouse escaped with great turbulence towards the heavens and clung to the hope that his glorious escape would not end in the tragedy of being dashed violently against the side of a building.

Illustration by Ma Li. Words by C. Fontaine.

Better late than never…

Good day.

Just a short missive to convey the hearty message that we are currently working on the second issue of The Rashomon Effect. If all goes according to plan, it will be hitting the streets on the 1st of November, and if it doesn’t, well… expect it shortly thereafter.

Chapter Two will, once again, feature a number of works from a wide array of contributors, and as usual a few pieces from the Rashomon Effect team. We will include a number of promising writers new to the magazine’s pages, and we hope you will be as enthusiastic about their work as we are.

It’s a delight for us to have an interview in the next issue, with English beat poet Polar Bear (featured in a post on July 17).

Until then, we are seeking all those discarded essays, rejected stories, loosely lyrical poems and mid-sized rants. Give us your words, your pictures, your wives and your money.

Adieu.

Lion Face Lemon Face

Friend of The Rashomon Effect and prince of creative art circle networking Steve Shaw is currently putting together a night of story telling, photography, and I would imagine some very natty hats at Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club, London, 8th October.

“LION FACE LEMON FACE brings you a night of Bests and Worsts! Interactive story telling, photography, music and dubious fashion, all in the East End’s fanciest establishment.

Everybody has stories, and we’re giving you the chance to share them. We need YOUR contributions to create a very special night of comedy, confessions and real-life revelations, made entirely from audience experiences.”

Also represented at Lion Face Lemon Face will be mega-talented photographer Ashlie Sky who will be connecting the past to the present with live audience portraits.

So if you’re in London around the 8th October, support your local flat peaked cap bearer and head down or even better submit an experience through the medium of words. More details can be found here; http://www.lionfacelemonface.co.uk.

ATTENTION AMSTERDAMMERS!!

Pay attention all of those who live in Amsterdam.

The Rashomon Effect will now be available in these finer establishments across Amsterdam. If you’re in the area, please pop in and grab yourself a copy at the following stocks permittng:

CAFE DE SPUYT – KORTE LEIDSEDWARSSTRAAT (AKA KONING DE BURGERSTRAAT) 86
THE GREENHOUSE – HAARLEMMERSTRAAT 64
HOUSE OF TATTOOS – HAARLEMMERDIJK 130C
REPREZENT BOARDSUPPLIES – HAARLEMMERSTRAAT 80
SMALL WORLD CATERING – BINNEN ORANJESTRAAT 14
THE MOVIES – HAARLEMMERDIJK 161
MOST WANTED (LATIN MUSIC SHOP) – HAARLEMMERDIJK 180
WATERSTONE’S BOOK SELLERS – KALVERSTRAAT 152
THE AMERICAN BOOK CENTER – SPUI 12
ATHENAEUM NIEUWSCENTRUM – SPUI 14-16
BIJ ONS VINTAGE – NIEUWEZIJDS VOORBURGWAL 150
PATTA – KICKS & OUTFITS – NIEUWEZIJDS VOORBURGWAL 142
HOMEGROWN FANTASY – NIEUWEZIJDS VOORBURGWAL 87
THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT – WARMOESSTRAAT 55
BELUSHI’S – WARMOESSTRAAT 129
HILL STREET BLUES – NIEUWMARKT 14
COTTON CLUB – NIEUWMARKT 5
CAFÉ STEVENS – KONINGSSTRAAT 3

and

@ OPENBARE BIBLIOTHEEK (PUBLIC LIBRARY AMSTERDAM) – OOSTERDOKSKADE 143

At the library, look for these publications and you will find The Rashomon Effect

The Writer and the World – V.S. Naipaul
The Granta Book of the Long Story
The Big Book of Pulps
The Catcher In The Rye
The Complete Works of George Bernard Shaw
The Complete Works of George Orwell
The Pleasure of the Damned: Poems 1951 to 1993 – Charles Bukowski
The Times Concise Atlas of the World
Up Yours! A Guide to UK Punk, New Wave and Early Post Punk
The New Yorker – August 3rd issue

ALSO: If you happen to pop by an über-seedy porn shop store on Oudezijds Achterburgwal and your tastes lean toward the animalistic and fecally enhanced genres, you might just find a couple of issues of The Rashomon Effect… happy hunting!

The Rashomon Effect will soon be available at many, many more places across Amsterdam (and the world), just you wait and see..